Two things

Firstly, I spent last weekend in Bangalore with some of my dearest friends, and it was lovely. But then I had to go home for a bit, essentially to say goodbye to my brother. It was sort of one of those bittersweet moments. I mean, we'd said goodbye earlier, but this time he introduced me to his girlfriend, and I don't know why, but there was some kind of finality implied in that gesture. Or so it seemed to me.

Anyway, we took a train back to Madras on Saturday, and while we were on the train I was feeling rather moody about this whole thing. I realised that we've obviously grown in the last four years, because seven years ago when my parents moved me to Dubai, it was a similar situation. I wasn't going to see my brother for about 4 years, except for summer holidays, and I didn't mind at all. I was happy to go. The situation is the same this time around, but the circumstances are completely different. And I'm going to miss him terribly. I'm going to miss having him just an STD call away, and talking to this new side of him that actually tells me things about his life. I'm scared to not have him a train journey away in case I fuck up big time and need to go running to him and have him fix everything for me.

And then Radiohead started playing, and something about the way Thom Yorke sings Fake Plastic Trees was just more than I could take at the point, I cried a little bit. And then the most incredible thing happened, I looked out the window and saw the largest rainbow. And then there were parallel rainbows. And you could actually see both ends of one of them. I mean, if there was ever a sign to say "Cheer up", that had to be it. Thank you, whoever sent that to me. I'm still going to be a little upset, but fuck, there must be a pot of gold lying around somewhere, right?

This is going to be a really long one, huh? Feel free to stop reading. You probably already did a while back, because really, who wants to hear me whine?

Anyway, the second thing has to do with what a coward I am. And I am a huge one. I find it terribly difficult to take risks with things that mean a lot to me. The more important the item, the more likely I am to bubble-wrap it and put it on a very high shelf and keep it safe from my destructive hands. I'm convinced I have the antithesis of a Midas touch. And the evidence so far supports this. So yes, I can't be blamed really, for taking the cowardly way out. Sometime the benefit is just having the friend, so you stifle the urge to do something stupid, and be happy with what you have. And I am, really.